I think you did a very brave thing by getting involved! In so doing, you made the situation better.

It’s so easy not to intervene when an abusive act doesn’t directly impact us. But, I believe that any violation we let go unchecked impacts us negatively in some way or another overtime. I think the onus is on us, the bystander, to help others who can’t help themselves. Yes, in some cases, there are people, such as cops, detectives, etc. who are better qualified to step in. Yes, in many cases, we doubt ourselves, our judgment and the possible consequences. I think in many cases like the one you described, it’s better to do something than to do nothing.

Thank you so much for sharing! We need more people to be as brave as you.

This reminds me of an experience at work, where one of the managers has been very demeaning to a co-worker. I cringed everytime this happened and actually gotten to a point where it has become almost physically painful to me (even though it didn’t directly involved me) I had to bring it up to higher management. Things got a little better after that.

I was glad I did something on that occasion, but there’s a lot more times when I didn’t. The fear of incriminating someone, the doubt on whether my judgement was correct, and the doubt on whether I can articulate what happened accurately are a few of the things that stop me.

Your parents are brave! We need more people like them. Thanks for sharing!

@Arvind,
Yes, it’s courageous to take a stand and can be scary sometimes. I think too many of us including myself disregard that intuitive sense we all have and don’t act on it. It’s very easy to forget that we have within us the ability to make an improvement in certain situations, and our action, no matter how seemingly small, is always worth something.

Great seeing you here!

@Nanay,
I think I know what you mean about some things being cultural — it’s very hard to change that. But I wonder who really wants to be part of an oppressive culture?

Thanks for sharing!

We are fearful of standing out and doing what we know intuitively is the proper and truthful path. We just need to overcome this and “fight” for the truth.

Great thought provoking post – thank you.

I like to think that sometimes it’s a part of someone’s culture. Growing up with people yelling all the time, high-pitched voice and angry tones, even only calling a name. Then you carry it with you.

In my experience it is calling someone’s attention, concerned, fearful about what might happen, unable to articulate it in a more refined way due to lack of protective experience. This couple may have had so much in their minds, didn’t mean to hurt each other, just unable to express concerns in a more civil way. (Inexperienced as I was when my hair was still pitch- black.)

I still recall a time when I was out for a walk and saw something … but wasn’t *sure* it was what I thought it was. I *thought* I saw a man hit his wife as he was driving. And then they were gone. But did I really see it? Was he merely reaching over for something? Protecting her from something? I honestly don’t know. And it’s bothered me off and on since.

So that is part of my problem; I don’t know that I trust my eyes and ears.

I do hope, though, that if I ever truly see or hear something I immediately report it. My parents certainly set that example for me. (They were always ready to jump in and help someone in need, and several times did have to call the police. We lived next door to an abusive man – mistreating women, his children and animals – and my mother never let him get away with it. I’m thankful for her bravery; he was one very large and, to me, threatening guy.)

But I ramble. Mostly I just wanted to say I can tell I’ll enjoy what you have to say.

@Alexander,
Yeah, and dreaming about monumental change is always possible with one small action which means no action is too small.