@Sol, it’s quite possible you’re harder on yourself than those you feel you’ve hurt by your words. And yes, looking past the superficial layers is always the best way to go.

@Catherine, I just want to thank you for your sincere comments and for sharing your own experience. I love how you were open to the criticism, that you gave it consideration (instead of the easy way out of just brushing it off) and decided you were fine as you were — comfortable in your own skin dressing the way you dress. I think that this is the goal that most of us strive for. To be confident in who we are regardless of what others think. In my book, you are light years evolved from your critics.

@Schmabes, ha! You and me both! You’re right, it is more telling about our own issues when we speak our minds about things that don’t make or break anything. And again, yes, I’m very familiar with the fear of getting “rejected”. I remind myself that I should celebrate my being different instead of hiding it — it could give others permission to do the same, and be liberated in the process.

@Fr. Michael, good stuff. Thanks.

@Lora, I appreciate you stopping by! I totally agree with Gloria, too.

@Malo, yes, something we would all benefit from if we practiced at all times.

This is a very complex and rich subject. I think that we must at all times bare in mind that when we are speaking our minds that it is about us–WE are having the issue/reaction etc. Keeping the focus on ourselves lessens the possibility that we will lapse into judgement. One also finds that s/he will be tasting shoe leather less and less.

Another thing that comes up for me is sometimes I don’t speak my truth for fear of being “rejected”. I frequently find my self at odds with the crowd. But more and more this is ok with me.

Keep up the good work.

It was brought home to me with a bang when others who weren’t shy about expressing themselves mentioned that THEY considered me inappropriate (over-dressed, over-jewelled) on particular occasions. And that was how I learned not to judge.

Those incidents made me question myself about the way I dress and what I decided was, I will continue to dress to please myself, and wearing jewellery is part of dressing for me, and what others think is irrelevant. The external trappings make absolutely no difference to what’s on the inside.

Be well.

I do not care much of how a person looks or how he or she presents him/herself. What is inside of his or her heart is revealed by actions and speech. I would count that “case” as only a display of insecurity or mood. It could be just a casual wear for her. . . (?).

Freedom of speech to me means expressing or protecting one’s rights.

@LPC, I think self-monitoring is the best way to go. It gets easier overtime. I really like how you boiled it down to satisfying a need vs. offering value. One is to satisfy the self, the other is to help others. This of course applies in varying degrees depending on context.

@Patty, I’m glad you got that I was trying to be a bit amusing! I thought it would lighten things up a bit at the halfway point where things get a little intense at times.

I think I would’ve done the same thing you did especially when comments are solicited. I’m not sure why we often rush to “save” someone — I’m very familiar with this behavior as well which I find self-defeating in a group effort context. How else do we improve anything if we don’t justly assess what needs work?

And like you said, I do think that sometimes, we invite comments when we’re really unable to receive them constructively. We get defensive, our egos get bruised, and who knows what else. I personally like knowing people who will give me an honest assessment if/when I ask them. I tend to value their opinion quite a bit.

@Ben, I hear you. For me, I’ve gotten better at not being overly emotional and so I feel I’ve improved at knowing when to speak and when to stay silent. Good skills to have but may not come naturally.