@BK, thank you for affirming one of my deeply held beliefs that we can learn much from views that oppose ours. Of course, often our instinct may tell us to run in the opposite direction. But I’ve been surprised a few times.

@Tony, thank you, thank you for articulating that strange thing that happens when you talk to someone one-on-one. I just love this: I start to listen to them as they articulate from who they are, and begin to appreciate that they are alive and that I got to meet them. I’m smiling!

@Justin, thanks for the compliment and I appreciate your thoughts on communication in general. I’m curious about your thoughts/feelings on asking questions versus supplying answers in relation to conversation. Do you think one is more important than the other? Thanks, as always, for taking the time to comment.

@Hulbert, thanks for the compliment! I agree with what you say here: I think those conversations are situations which test our patience, help us learn how to deal with them, and perhaps take in new ideas that may be useful for us in the future. And may I add that it would be so great if we all felt this way. Thanks for your insight.

@Mark, I’m finding this more and more true with each passing year: Wisdom is not in the answers, wisdom is in the questions asked. Great to see you here.

@Sara, “To me, conversations are a way to learn more about a subject or about a person” — I hear and echo your words. Thanks.

@Jenny Ann, welcome to The Halfway Point! And thank you for these words words: “What if, we focused simply on hearing and being heard, instead of being convinced, and convincing others. Conversations could be very different and I think the world would be very different also.”

@Greg, these words are oh-so-true for me, too: There is something magical about deeply connecting with another person through an intellectual conversation. Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts.

@Baker, it sounds to me like you are truly open to various and even opposing perspectives. That is wonderful to hear. Thanks for sharing.

@Fr. Michael, yes, I know this about you that you are open to opposing views and I thank you so much for that. It does seem that a lot of people are afraid to engage in discussion with folks whose views differ from their own. Is it because we love to be right, want to convince others that we’re right and assume we won’t get that acknowledgment or feeling from those whose beliefs are opposite from our own? And yet, everyday, a Jew and a Christian find unity in a marriage. I’m now just thinking in print. This (our assumptions being proven wrong on a regular basis) is endlessly fascinating to me and yet we cling to our assumptions. Thanks for your comment and wisdom.

@Wilma, I just love seeing you here. The ego sure knows to show up where it’s not needed. I hope to sew these words into the fabric of my memory: I do not engage in conversations about right or wrong, that is ego battle and a waste of time. Thank you for this gem.

@Nicki, learning from the give and take of conversation. That IS the art form in less than ten words! Gracias, mi amiga.

@Eva, I was just talking to husband about my bubble of a professional and personal world. He’s active on Facebook and every now and then, I take a peek to scan various political posts that sometimes shake me to the core. I get sad seeing in print how much hatred is out there — a mere two degrees from my inactive Facebook profile — today, in the U.S., in 2010. In my small and fragile bubble of a world, I feel we’ve made strides. In the Facebook world and beyond, I fear we have taken a few steps back. Thanks.

@Lauren, thank you for the compliment! Your comments always have so much for me to noodle on. About those blind spots, so glad you brought them up because we all have them whether we acknowledge or not. As for balance, you’re right; it’s far from knee-jerk. I do what I can but frankly, sometimes, I don’t care for it when I’m in the zone, so to speak. As for people who are mired in their inner demons with whom conversation gets convoluted, yes! I can relate. Oddly, I find I stay open for them, too. And the foot in the mouth? I have found myself in a battle between instinct and logic on that one and have a post I’d love for you to read. On a complete tangent, I know nothing about an event you’re hosting with Mary Jaksch. I better read my e-mails and check my calendar! Thanks for your vivacious spirit and endless insight.

@Tess, I think you’ve boiled down the traps we find ourselves in when we engage in conversation: seeking agreement, or giving opinion or walking away needing to change a thing. We think we’re flowing with someone and suddenly, we’re armed with an agenda that has gotten the better of us. I love what you say about shifting our perception to that with which we’re at peace. I hope to remember that next time. Thanks!

@Zengirl, ah yes, we all put up a wall, don’t we? Thanks for chiming in.

@Kristen, I think you’re right that our lack of real-time convo with those holding opposing views from ours is in part a by-product of the polarization of politics and media sources in the States. I’ll add to that the politicization of everyday issues/realities that are viewed with contempt instead of compassion or at least a seeking to understand. And yes, blogging and also parenting are great ways to establish camaraderie with those whose views differ from mine. Thank you!

Like Eva, I have very few rewarding real-time conversations with people whose fundamental beliefs are different than my own. I think that is in part a by-product of the polarization of politics and media sources in the States. And it’s actually something I appreciate a great deal about blogging. I know that I read blogs and have readers at my blog with whom I don’t share a religious background or political beliefs and we are nevertheless united by a common interest like parenting. I feel that my friendships are much more diverse now that I have this new community of people with whom to converse.

I believe like you that many conflicts and issues can be resolved through talking and listening to each other. Main caveat is, that both parties have to be open minded and open to suggestion, without you can not go through the wall that person has put up, when they are not willing to listen at all. sad but it happens often with most of us.

Why would I want to try and change anyone’s opinion? We are all entitled to our own.

Another conclusion I’ve come to is all unasked for advice is verbal abuse. That sounds strong yet think about it…who needs my unasked for opinion? Nobody!

I also believe a miracle is a shift in perception. If I am not at peace I only need to shift my perception about who or what I’m at peace with. Thanks for an inspiring and thought provoking post.

I believe the baggage part can be a huge piece in challenging conversations. I know I have my “blind spots” yet, like you, I feel I am willing to examine those.

Of course, there’s a reason they’re called “blind”. On occasions where a button gets pushed, so to speak, I need to walk away and reflect for awhile until I can come back to a place of balance. Balance being NOT a knee-jerk reaction.

I’ve encounter people on occasion, though, who seem so mired in their inner demons so to speak that conversation becomes very convoluted. Those are the people to be quite honest that I avoid. If I happen to find myself in such a conversation, I end it as quickly as possible.

With that said, I love your examples that bring us full circle to acknowledging compassion and our commonality as humans. Our desire to be part of.

Your blog prompted another thought in my brain – those times I find myself opening my mouth to speak something even though every fiber of my being is telling me “Don’t go there”.

Invariably, the result is not the best ever! Why oh why do we do that? 😉

Loving your insights Belinda.

Hey, I wish you could come to San Diego when Mary Jaksche comes the last day of May, first day of June. The event’s at my place and you’d be welcome to spend the night!

BUT I don’t have enough deep conversations with people who hold very different viewpoints. In general, my friends, my coworkers hold similar opinions. And I need to find opportunities to push these boundaries, to converse with and learn from people from different backgrounds, beliefs, values.

And your point, that you can only do so much if the other person isn’t open and willing to learn through discussion, this is so true. It’s frustrating, but recognizing this helps to realize you just can’t win this one.

Do you engage in conversation with people whose views differ from yours? Is there any value in doing so? There is if I want to widen my viewpoint and we all come from an attitude of ‘is this useful’. I do not engage in conversations about right or wrong, that is ego battle and a waste of time.

In a difficult conversation, are sturdy answers as or more important than searching questions? If I do not see a win/win in a difficult conversation I will not continue, what for?

Have you ever been transformed by a conversation? Certainly, words are powerful and different views can be extremely useful.

Thanks Belinda!