Comments on: A Human Manifesto

By: Sender UpWords

Sender UpWords — Sat, 09 Oct 2010 17:12:42 +0000

Love this write. I feel every word. Love and Light, Sender

By: Patty - Why Not Start Now?

Patty - Why Not Start Now? — Fri, 01 Oct 2010 22:52:10 +0000

Thank you for saying all of this, Belinda. And ESPECIALLY this:

Don’t buy me
a new governor
plunking private pots
of dirty dollars on high-priced high-stakes airwaves

Your poetry scrapes away all the BS. And I am so very sick of Meg.

p.s. What’s with Mr. Wessington?

By: Shashi

Shashi — Fri, 01 Oct 2010 17:23:27 +0000

Dear Belinda, it is written so well… poignant.. and beautiful.

ॐ नमः शिवाय
Om Namah Shivaya
Twitter: @VerseEveryDay
Blog:http://shadowdancingwithmind.blogspot.com

By: Nick Rolynd

Nick Rolynd — Fri, 01 Oct 2010 14:21:33 +0000

I have to say, the rhythm of this piece is breathtaking! Really amazing piece. =)

By: Chris G.

Chris G. — Thu, 30 Sep 2010 20:44:12 +0000

Fiery work with a powerful voice. You have a lesson for us all and we would do well to listen. Wonderful work.

By: Justine

Justine — Thu, 30 Sep 2010 20:38:04 +0000

I love alliteration and hats off to you for this: “with weightless worthless words”

And this?
“Don’t show me
puffed-up proof
with forged facts and stats
that even Google couldn’t Google”

Perfection.

Belinda – I so admire the breadth and depth of the topics you tackle here; it takes someone really special to look past the glossy seduction of materialism and dive into the substances that truly matter.

By: Patti

Patti — Thu, 30 Sep 2010 20:02:22 +0000

Oh, you are a kindred spirit. This “speaks” to me, hitting many of my hot buttons spot on. I’ve written several pieces that seek to gore the same head of oxen you’ve targeted so well here. Excellent One Shot.

By: Meg

Meg — Thu, 30 Sep 2010 19:20:49 +0000

A great manifesto!

By: River

River — Thu, 30 Sep 2010 12:55:25 +0000

Belinda this poem rocks! I agree with everything you said. You should submit this to a mag like ohh that one thats out east and starts with an O. I can’t recall their name right now.I am happy we have met on here too.

By: Khakjaan Wessington

Khakjaan Wessington — Thu, 30 Sep 2010 00:48:00 +0000

Started off shaky but promising, before collapsing completely in stanzas 5-7 and never regains its former momentum. If you note the pacing, it starts fast, then focuses on tangential metaphors you don’t commit to completing. You start with a complaint-spot, but then never move the poem beyond that. You should ditch all the superfluous stuff and just stick to your best lines–and then drop those that don’t work. Also: “with lies poking through holes of half-hearted promises” is cliche and “Don’t fool me/ with weightless worthless words/hollow and resonant/to none other than the non-existent no-ones” is close enough to cliche to be one; AND is not specific. A wasted stanza, as this was already covered w/ your first stanza.

The rest of the poem is just a laundry list of complaints. So the poetic arc is: “I’m complaining. These are my complaints.” Well, the problem is that it could have been said faster and at least as effectively in prose. This is a seed of a poem, but not really a poem yet.