If the world seems cold to you, kindle fires to warm it. ~Lucy Larcom

I love this tiny piece of practical yet poetic advice because it empowers me in three ways:

One: I get to define what cold means. It affirms that, if I’ve felt the icy tendrils of existence, then so be it, whether it manifests through a devastating relationship breakup, or unfairly missing out on an opportunity of a lifetime, or having to wait for the next bus after a bus driver, upon seeing me do my best impression of Usain Bolt toward the stop, proceeds to motor ahead instead of waiting two seconds.

Two: It doesn’t merely state that it’s a cold, cold world. It offers a solution to thaw the freeze for some much needed heat instead of leaving me wondering whether I could get my hands on a pick so that I may carve my way out of an ice block.

Three: It tells me that it is within my power to kindle the fire to create the warmth I seek.

JAPAN

There’s nothing like a natural disaster of cataclysmic proportions to mobilize the world to come to the aid of those needing help. We saw it with Katrina, the Indian Ocean Tsunami in 2004, Haiti last year and the 1989 Loma Prieta earthquake in San Francisco which I very vividly recall. When the online links and the TV visual prompts are so frequent and graphic, it’s impossible to look away.

What’s also impossible not to notice are the many great fires burning for Japan right now. So much warmth flows through the oceans as evidenced by other nations sending search and rescue teams, donors from a wide range of income brackets making monetary contributions and countless Facebook updates, Twitter feeds prayers and meditation from compassionate individuals.  If you’re moved to toss another log in the fire for Japan, click here for some ideas.

U.S.A.

Recently, 60 Minutes did a segment on child poverty in the U.S. being at its peak since the Great Depression (video here). More and more children are awakening to homelessness in America as they, too, experience it for the first time. Sixteen million American children live in poverty; a figure that will soon be 25% of the child population in the country. They are being called The Motel Generation because their homes are foreclosed and they are forced to live in two-room motels with their families.

Should we and how do we kindle fires for these children? Is awareness of their condition enough? Is it an opportunity or a responsibility to do something about it? Is donating to food banks or giving a few dollars here and there enough? Maybe not. But it’s something and something is categorically better than nothing.  To learn more and for other ways to keep the fires roaring for child poverty in the U.S., click here.

CONGO

I’m aware that I’m beginning to sound like a broken record. I’ve been writing about The Democratic Republic of Congo since I started this blog. What’s happening there is still largely unknown. Congo — a place where girls are deemed safer in a brothel than being free; where boys shape their boyhood by their possession of a rifle; what nation would like to be defined as such? How is it possible that these conditions exist today?  And when you know that something like this is happening on the same planet where you live, what do you do with that knowledge?

The truth? I continue to write about Congo because I’m very disturbed by this knowledge, that there’s not a bigger outcry for its people .  And I don’t think I’ll ever be okay with knowing what nightmare of a reality they are living.  So, if you don’t mind, I hope you will take the time to learn about their reality that I find so hard to grasp here and here so that you may tell others who may want to do something to help.

What are some things we can do to help?  1) By demanding conflict-free minerals (tin, tantalum, tungsten and gold) in our cell phones, laptops and tablets.  If that seems futile, we could boycott companies that continue to manufacture goods using minerals that perpetuate conflict.  To see how electronic companies are rated, click here.  2) By sponsoring a woman to improve her life through Women for Women International.  3) By helping to strengthen City of Joy, a safe house that trains victims so that they may become leaders when they return to their community. (To read about City of Joy in the New York Times, click here.)

The Congo?  It’s cold out there but not enough of us feel the chill.  Their fire  needs a whole lot of kindling.

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What do you do with knowledge that you find disturbing? Do you look away? Would you share it if you suspected it would help?
When we help ourselves, does it mean we’re also helping others?
Is it possible to help others without also helping ourselves?Is it possible to help others without also helping ourselves?

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Action is eloquence. ~William Shakespeare

Image by DrPete

here
breathing
seizing life
blood pulsating
this ephemeral thrill in which I steep

there is no telling how long it will last
this divine dance
brazen beat
thrumming
now

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This piece was inspired by Ruined, a fantastic Pulitzer prize-winning play by Lynn Nottage about the horrific condition of the lives of the women and men in the Democratic Republic of Congo.  I remain hopeful that you & I & the rest of the world can and will do something to improve the now of the Congolese.  Now…

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This is a double tetractys for One Shot Wednesday.  A tetractys is a poetic form consisting of at least 5 lines of 1, 2, 3, 4, 10 syllables (total of 20).  The second verse in a double tetractys has an inverted syllable count of 5 lines of 10, 4, 3, 2, 1 syllables (total of 20).

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Image by bogenfreund

It’s likely that the title of this post will make some eyes roll, or at least, be greeted by guttural groans. Believe me. I know. What do women want? I hesitate to bring up this unresolved and hugely manipulated, misunderstood and distorted subject with those whose sympathy for women is yet to be determined.

WHAT WOMEN AND MEN DON’T WANT

I’ve made that mistake too many times. In the past, I have naively broached this subject with men — men whom I’ve given the benefit of the doubt for showing signs of enlightenment, honesty and openness. It’s taken me a while to realize that a lot of men are simply not comfortable with this subject and therefore unable, or perhaps unwilling, to transcend the stereotypical definitions of beauty, femininity and gender roles relating to women and girls.

Then there are the women. It’s taken me even longer to accept that a lot of women are just as unwilling to explore this subject as the men are. True, women are subjected to numerous stereotypes of how we should look, behave, dress, move, speak, laugh, think, react, sneeze, etc. And in an already complicated, modern world, it is sometimes easier to conform and many are only too willing to do so.

WHAT WOMEN AND MEN NEED

But these stereotypes are dangerous and so I get over my hesitation and broach the subject once again. Women and men, together, need to:

1. Talk.
The cosmetics industry generates $170 billion a year worldwide. The diet industry selling temporary weight loss is worth between $40 – $100 billion a year. Who’s benefiting? Who’s being corrupted? Without engaging in real discussions about who sets the standards of beauty and thinness that many are only too willing to uphold and what these standards are doing to our population, we’ll never know if we possess the power to make a change and thus, never see profound transformation.

2. Learn.
Sixty-five percent of American women and girls have an eating disorder*, likely as a result of the pressure to adhere to standards of beauty perpetuated by the media, the cosmetics and diet industries and the Hollywood and Princess cultures. Our society’s obsession with thinness has reached a disturbing level. When a group of children who were interviewed on 20/20 were asked if they’d rather be fat or lose an arm, they unanimously answered that they’d rather lose an arm.**

3. Connect the dots.
We count. Of course we do. But the world is so much bigger than just you and me. More than 900 million girls and women are living on less than a dollar a day.** You spend your money how you want just as I spend my money how I want. But the goods we buy and how we acquire them take on a whole new meaning when we note that an estimated one hundred million girls are involved in child labor worldwide.** Who made my makeup brush? Will she be one of half a million girls below the age of eighteen who will fall victim to sex trafficking this year?** If so, I’d like to know.

4. Know that we can change the status quo.
By raising awareness, by refusing to buy in to stereotypes that are demeaning to women and girls, by teaching our daughters and sons that what they truly want comes from within and not dictated by expensive ads and commercials, by supporting organizations like V-Day, Global Fund for Women, Women for Women International and Vital Voices to name a few, we can effect social change at the fundamental level.

WHAT WOMEN WANT

The women I know are independent. They think for themselves and do want they want. They know their rights and privileges and no statistic, factoid or blog post can make them do what they don’t want to do. This is how they want it and, as long as our legislators are willing to put up the fight to preserve these rights, this is how it will be.

WHAT I WANT

Me? Like the women in my life, I have my rights and I exercise them. I have so much and for these, I am thankful.

Still, I want more. And what I want right now? What I want is for all women and girls — regardless of who they are, where they are and what color their skin is — to have the same rights as I do. I want them to be able to say no and be respected for it, not repeatedly violated and punished because of it. I want them to never ever have to do anything they don’t want to do, just like the women I know.

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If you’re a woman, what do you want?

If you’re a man, what do you want for the women and girls in your life?

I had the pleasure of being in the presence of Eve Ensler twice last week. Eve spoke about the unspeakable truths that women in Haiti and the Congo continue to endure. Another thing that I want? I hope that you will take a moment to reflect on the importance of International Women’s Day, March 8th and, if you’re a woman, I hope that you won’t hesitate to follow in the footsteps of those who have come before us to make history.

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*source: Miss Representation
**source: I Am an Emotional Creature

Image by jurvetson

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These women have seen hell. Violated in unimaginable ways, stripped of their dignity, left to die. Somehow, they escaped death. Battered and broken though they are, the will to live courses through their veins. Now, they can begin to heal in a safe zone. With a little luck, they will turn their pain to power.

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This is a true story about the women of the DRC. A safe haven called City of Joy holds its opening celebration this weekend in Bukavu. To watch a video of these beautiful women in action, click here.
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linking up with The G-Man for Friday Flash 55.  Tell a story in 55 words or click around and read some more.

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Image by babasteve

Yesterday, I had the incredible privilege of spending an entire day with a woman who is an inspiration to millions of women (and men!) worldwide. She is a best-selling author, an award-winning playwright, a peaceful warrior and an instigator of an impactful global movement dedicated to ending violence against women and girls.

CAN WE TURN PAIN INTO JOY?

This woman, a quintessential optimist named one of US News and the Kennedy School of Government’s “Best Leaders” in 2009, will always say yes to this question. Always.

She certainly turned her pain on its head. Having endured an unspeakable offense as a child, she emerged joyful and purposeful with an exquisite brand of inner strength. An inner strength that nurtures and replenishes as she enduringly empowers others to turn their pain into joy.

ARE WORDS JUST WORDS?

It was an exceptional day. I wish you had been there to bear witness to experiences so profound that a blog post — mere words — simply can’t capture.

Words like femicide and fistula were spoken, and I admit, my overly conditioned and mostly civilized psyche struggled to comprehend the reality of these words. Words whose existence and persistence today ask brutally confrontational questions about humanity: yours, mine, his, hers. Words that don’t register and resonate without a gasp or a sigh or some kind of reaction to regulate our natural biology. Words that are devoid of subtlety, grace, peacefulness and love.

Certain words starting with the letter V were mentioned.

Some poetic words in the form of a monologue were read.

Words that only Eve Ensler can weave and write and speak so wonderfully well.

WHAT ABOUT EMOTIONS?

Were there tears? Yes. Were there laughs? Sure. Was there love? Absolutely and a whole lot of it!

After all, we’re talking about a woman who wrote a new book called I Am an Emotional Creature. We’re talking about a woman who has excavated her pain, sorrow,  insecurities and imperfections and morphed them into a colorful, joyful, peaceful, loving armour.

But not just an armour.

An armour-turned-blanket-turned-tent-turned-embrace-turned-sisterhood-turned-humanity at its best.

And, as gut-wrenching as  the stories are that Eve tells, you can’t escape her contagious positive, feminine energy when you’re with Eve. It rubs off on you. And it has, on me.

After a day with Eve, an infusion of empowerment and optimism takes over and makes me feel lucky to be alive, privileged to have opportunities and happy to be in a position to help not only myself but also others.

AND AS ALWAYS, A QUESTION…

I’d love to tell you about Eve’s latest project called “City of Joy”, a healing oasis that promises hope in the wounded and love-starved Democratic Republic of Congo. A place on earth whose desecration is surreal and legendary. A place whose pulse is weak; where humanity’s heartbeat needs a pacemaker.

But not today. Today, I’d like to ask a question:

Can we turn pain into joy?

Please share your thoughts about this question and leave a comment for a chance to win an autographed copy of Eve Ensler’s latest book I Am An Emotional Creature. Men, if not for yourself, perhaps you’d like to win it to give to a special woman or girl in your life.

If you’d like to learn more about “City of Joy”, please e-mail me at belindavm @ gmail dot com.

Click here for Eve Ensler’s inspirational Nov. ‘09 India TED talk.

Image by NoXstar

I’m a big baby.  I cry all the time.  I’ve been moved to tears by just about everything.  Music.  Nature.  Births.  Deaths.  Adam Sandler movies.  Yup.  You name it.

I admit, I’ve had to lie about it.  On more than one occasion, people have come up to me with concern and that dreaded question, “Are you okay?”  Not my favorite query in the middle of a blubber.

For a long time I wasn’t proud of this fact about myself.  I’ve come to learn to shrug off stereotypes that persist about being a petite Asian-American woman.  I’ve laughed myself silly inappropriately and apologized for it.  But to have to address my tears, I’m rarely ready to do so coherently.  It’s easier to say, “I’m fine, thanks” and move on.

SCONES, TEA AND TEARS

Until I had a revelatory time with Eve.  Eve whom every time I see makes me weep.  Eve whose amazing body of work leaves me raw, exposed and vulnerable yet also cleansed, empowered and inspired.  Eve who instantly unites me with the foreign, the familiar, the sacred and the desecrated.

I’m of course referring to the one and only Eve Ensler.  Eve, myself and a few other fabulous women and two men (who were just as fabulous!) had a bona fide bawl fest a couple of weeks ago.  Over breakfast.  And it was refreshingly real.

All it took was a little hot beverage, a little comfort food, and some very powerful words.  And the floodgates swung wide open.

WHAT HER WORDS DID TO ME

Eve told us about her recent experiences in the Congo and the amazing project she is building there with the locals.  It will be very powerful.  I’m sure everyone will hear about it when the time comes.

As we cried and talked and laughed and cried some more, Eve reminded me in a way only she can that we need to own our emotions.

That we should cry when we feel like crying.  Laugh when we feel like laughing.  Be sad when we’re sad.  I mean, c’mon, people!  What’s more basic than that?

IF ONLY IT WERE AS EASY AS SPOKEN WORDS

Yet, as complex beings, we complicate the simple things.  We’re fascinating that way.  Instead, we retreat when we feel like crying.  We put up a front when we’re sad.  We stand strong when all we want is to fall in a heap.

As if human emotions were foreign to other humans.

So, we pretend that all is right with the world when we know without question that there is much in disarray.  That the comforts of home is an illusion and has a short reach.  That denial can only take us so far.  That a feeling of emptiness will chase us if we don’t do something.  Anything.

WHAT IS THIS TIRADE ON A “CHOOSING POSITIVITY” BLOG?

Great question.  What I learned from Eve a long time ago is we can’t simply be bystanders and onlookers of world news and suffering.  We can’t will ourselves to believe that there is no evil once we turn off the TV sets or close the door behind us.  We can’t turn our back on our sisters and brothers while we chase after the meaning of life.

It just doesn’t work that way.

Because if we let something bad happen to one of us, we let it happen to all of us.

We’re not here only for ourselves and most certainly not only to be entertained or become famous or make a lot of money or stroke our egos with anything within reach.

We’re here for each other.  We’re here to show compassion for one another.  We’re here to love one another.  We’re here to live lives as richly as possible, together, without leaving anyone behind.

But until we know this truth in our hearts, we will leave some of us behind.  We will let others be hurt and harmed.  We will neglect our most basic bond.

The human race bond.

And this brings me back to what Eve reminded me of recently.  When we allow ourselves to feel our emotions, to cry when we’re moved, to sympathize when we feel the pain and suffering of others, there is hope.

HOPE IS MORE THAN JUST A FOUR-LETTER WORD

There is hope that one day, we’ll be moved to take action so that someone is suffering a little bit less.  So that the meaning we seek becomes the fulfillment we find.  So that the need to take action overpowers inaction.  So that the special bond we have with each other becomes just a little bit stronger.

There are numerous ways we can move beyond hope.  Here are some:

1. Love yourself then love others.
2. Let your voice be heard.
3. Know that we are enough and that now is a good time to start taking action.
4. Vote (it’s a flawed system but until a better one is in place, not voting isn’t part of the solution).
5. If you don’t like the candidates, consider running for office yourself.  If you don’t like the ballot measures, consider writing your own petition.
6. Learn about organizations that help even the playing field.
7. Join an organization as a volunteer or activist or start an organization that isn’t already in place.
8. Use the power of your checkbook strategically by making a contribution to a good cause rather than blowing your paycheck on a new wardrobe.
9. Pay it forward 50 ways.
10. Pack your life with meaning 101 ways.

SO I CLOSE THIS POST WITH A POEM OF SORTS

As I often do,
I humbly ask of you,
To think, to feel, to be in the moment.

Though you may as I do,
Choose to sit and to be,
Or to work for atonement.

What we do,
In our space and our time,
Be it lofty or something low-rent,

As we wish,
We may do as we please,
It is always our judgment.

If I’ve managed to make you sigh,
Or roll your eyes or wince or cry,
Please know, as ever, I’d love your comment.

It seems to me that we spend an inordinate amount of time and attention on fixing ourselves when we could really be directing that out to serving others. ~Eve Ensler

Image by aussiegall